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This is a biggie, folks. Time to get to the fundamentals. Are you lonely? Are you lonely for company or are you really craving connection? Have you felt lonely for a long time, even with other people, even with people who love you? Are you uncomfortable spending time alone?

If so, please read on….

I would ask you this: do you know, understand and accept yourself? What parts of yourself are you denying, judging, resisting? Why do you feel this way? Who taught you?

Until you learn to accept and love ALL of yourself, even the aspects of yourself that make you uncomfortable, you will always feel that emptiness inside on some deep rooted level.


1. Spend time this weekend listing everything that’s good about yourself. Focus on one thing every day and repeat it to yourself throughout the day. Put it in your phone and look at it regularly, make it your lock wallpaper! Work through the list. Add to it whenever something occurs to you. Get some appreciation flowing for the awesome being you truly are!

2. Write a letter to yourself and forgive yourself for all the things you have done that you wish you had done differently. And all the things you didn’t do that you wished you had done. Drag it all out; the ugly pettiness, the anger, the cruelty, the coldness, the selfishness, the weakness. The rash words and the words unspoken. Let the regret flow freely, let your tears out, call yourself names. Get it out! Then acknowledge that those things are gone. They’re in the past. You can’t go back so stop punishing yourself for old mistakes. It doesn’t change what happened and it’s messing with your future! Forgive yourself. Give yourself the grace you would give to a friend who’s messed up. Decide to start again with a clean slate. Then write the reply. Feel the forgiveness, experience making peace with yourself. Don’t think about this, let the words flow through you. Keep it or burn it or throw it away, whatever gives you closure.

3. Picture your ideal “you”. Imagine your clothes, your hair, your stance. Imagine your surroundings: are you alone or in company? What are you doing? Imagine the sounds, the smells, use all your senses. Go fully into the scene. Experience how it feels to be that you. Now ask yourself: how did that “you” become that person? What about their life is different from yours? Want to hear something amazing? You already are that you. You have all the qualities you need to be that version of yourself. Seriously! If you can imagine it then it’s inside you, waiting to be developed.

4. Identify one action point you can take to bring you closer to being that You. Do you need to learn a new skill? Do you need to brush up on your social skills? Could you be more organised? What habit would you need to develop? What attitude would you need to adopt? Do you need to practise patience, resilience, gratitude? Do you need to learn how to relax, or stop overthinking?

5. Give yourself a deadline and create a plan. Identify the next step and take it. If it helps, enlist the support of someone you trust to be your “accountability partner” who will check with you regularly that you are taking steps to meet your goal.

Use this weekend to connect with yourself. Take the first step to becoming even more of who you are. Let go of guilt and regret and apology, move forward with confidence.

Image by Skitterphoto on


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