There’s something nobody wants to admit about toxic relationships and all their drama. Something we can’t share because people might stop being sympathetic if we did.
It’s something that those of us who’ve been in one know only too well but we’re embarrassed to say it…… And that is that life is kinda boring without the drama.
It’s hard to adjust back to ‘normal’ life after all the tension and intrigue. Your body gets addicted to the adrenaline highs and lows of emotion, the cortisol of the stress.And yep, I’m going to say it, there is a sexual thrill in the raging arguments, the battles of will and the make-up sex.
If you’re a strong-willed individual it’s difficult to quit. You NEED to prove that you’re right and they’re wrong. The goal of ‘winning’ becomes all.
Who is right, whether it’s fair or kind, and how to move forward gets lost. Rational discussion descends into petty point scoring, accusations and blame.
That’s where the drama takes you. Down rabbit hole after rabbit hole, round and round on the carousel. A game of relationship chicken that no-one ever wins.
It’s ADDICTIVE, folks. It’s not as easy as “just leave him, hun”.
Bad relationships with emotional abuse are a hook. Not just because there’s the pull of love, whether that be family or romantic partner. Nor because of your job, or shared domestic responsibilities, housing or finances. Neither is it always about being a doormat who doesn’t have the guts to walk away.
The trauma bonds of fighting, making up, bickering and mind games become a way of life. It BECOMES your life.The push-pull cycle of engagement and rejection is stimulating.That’s addiction, isn’t it? Chasing a thrill, getting a high, coming down and seeking the high again.
Eventually you’re creating a state of heightened drama just to feel ‘normal’. Without it, life feels flat and grey, you feel lost and empty. You’ve become so filled with the entity that is ‘the relationship’ that you don’t know who you are any more.
That’s the secret draw of the drama. It becomes your blessing, your curse and your cause.
SO…..
When you’re telling your friend to quit their job, dump their loser partner or cut off all contact with their nasty family…… remember the addictive power that is pulling them back in, again and again. Be patient, offer a listening ear and help them find their high in other, healthier ways.
On behalf of an ex-addict, thank you.